“I would love to backpack in Europe. It would be so amazing! But I would have to use some of my savings to do that. I am being selfish. I should help my sister buy her car. But I worked so hard to save that money and I really would like to travel. I am being irresponsible! I should keep saving and buy a house. I am an idiot. Why do I have to be always responsible? I should enjoy life while I am young and do not have a family. But I worry that if I spend my money on travelling, I won’t have it when I need it…. I don’t know what to do!!!!”
Does this kind of inner dialogue sound familiar to you? This is a fictious example, but how many times do we keep a dialogue with different takes on a subject? It can be as simple as trying to decide what to make for dinner! In fact, we have inner dialogue all day long every day! This should not be a surprise to anyone as we all do that.
How many ‘voices’ can you identify in the scenario above? Read it again and see what you come up with. Below you will see my breakdown of the voices and the role of each voice. By the way, it is my take on it. You may think of other names/roles for those voices, which is quite likely to happen. Whatever you come up with is right for you and that’s all that matters, and that is the premise of SoulCollage®.
In SoulCollage® those voices belong to the Committee Suit. As I mentioned in the previous post, all these voices are there to protect and keep us safe. Yes, even the one that is calling us an idiot! So, who/what are the voices that belong to the Committee Suit? They are the different parts of our personality (aka sub-personalities) and some of them have very predictable reactions and responses not only to what we do daily, but also to other people’s behaviour. No, we are not talking about psychological disorders when a person has several personalities, and one is usually not aware of the other. We are talking about those sub-personalities that we all have and with whom we have dialogues in our minds day and night. Even as I write this, I have several of them talking to me and pulling me in different directions. For example, one is aware of the tension in my shoulders and is trying to get me to stop and have a shower. Another is encouraging me to focus and write the first draft so I can edit it tomorrow to post it. Yet, another is thinking of all the things that I need to do in the next few days and wants me to stop writing and address those instead. Honestly, I could go on with more voices that are trying to get my attention, but I think you get the gist of it. These examples are just to help understand what I mean when I talk about sub-personalities, or voices. Actually, Seena Frost, the creator of SoulCollage® called them Neters. She used this word to refer to each of the parts that we have inside of us. If you are interested, she wrote a book called SoulCollage Evolving, which you can find on Amazon.
But wait a minute… let’s go back. If these parts are trying to protect or keep us safe, why on earth it is calling us idiots???? That’s because that part is out of balance and is trying too hard to get us to do whatever it thinks is the best for us. In reality, they are not doing their job properly! That is why we should learn and explore them. When we begin to know them and understand their roles in our lives, we can bring them to balance and/or heal them. As discussed in previous posts, we all need an inner critic, but if it/they are out of balance, it/they can be very distressing and their intention can backfire (e.g., one can get stuck because of fear of failure). In therapy, one of my jobs was to help clients understand what each part needed or was trying to do/say and/or why they were there. The goal was/is to balance or soothe the parts that were not working properly so that they could become their allies instead of their enemies.
Here is my breakdown of the voices from the dialogue above:
I would love to backpack in Europe. The traveler - goal: to enjoy one’s passion.
It would be so amazing! The happy child - goal: to have fun.
But it would have to use some of my savings to do that. The worrier - goal: to make sure one will not be in debt.
I am being selfish. The Inner Critic – goal: to think of others so not to be rejected/criticized.
I should help my sister buy her car. The Pleaser/Good girl: goal: to be liked and accepted.
But I worked so hard to save that money and I really would like to travel. The one who recognizes that she also has the right to live with enjoyment – to be rewarded. Sorry. I don’t have a specific name for it…
I am being irresponsible! I should keep saving and buy a house. The Inner Critic – goal: not to be criticized for not doing one’s obligations and/or not being safe in the future. It could also be the worrier.
I am an idiot. The Inner Critic – by insulting us, it tries to force our hand to do what it wants with the goal that we “do the right thing” so people are not going to judge us.
Why do I have to be always responsible? The Rebellious child – to be free of responsibility and have fun.
I should enjoy life while I am young and do not have a family. I had a hard time with this one… The planner? The goal would be to use one’s financial resources while there is fewer financial responsibilities. The pessimistic? The sentence seems to imply that once you have a family or are older you will not enjoy life. But there is also another piece here, which is this is the time that I don’t have many responsibilities and I am able to backpack for a while without consequences (e.g., missing time at work; or leaving a partner alone with the children).
I worry that if I spend my money on travelling, I won’t have it when I need it…. The worrier – goal: to keep us from having needs unmet.
Note: I will have a separate post on how to make a SoulCollage® card for those who are interested.